


Show Me How to Heal

by PlayBunny



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Eventual Smut, Fluffy as fuckity, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Recovery, im sorry, really terrible
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-15 08:12:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7214578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlayBunny/pseuds/PlayBunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Feliciano had a terrible past. His mother passing when he was little and living in Brooklyn with his father who had been hardened by war. Not just any war. But the war of the Italian mob. One night, he wakes up screaming once again, only to be comforted by his lover, his only coping method, Ludwig.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bad Dream

**Author's Note:**

> I'll add more tags if I think of them (if you think of any, please tell me)  
> I'm not too sure if I'm going to continue, if you want me to, please give comments and kudos. Please please please comment!  
> Your comments would mean the world to me! Anything you have to say, please tell me.. but please try to be nice.. can you tell I'm a new writer? xD  
> But yeah. Please give feedback I'd love to know what you think.

It had to be about three o'clock in the morning when Feliciano once again, woke up screaming and crying, his whole body trembling. His lover, Ludwig had rolled over quickly and pulled the small Italian into his embrace, him still screaming in Italian and sobbing. 

"No, no! Scendo me, per favore!" The smaller cried out, body wracked by the tremors running through him. 

"Shhh, shh, Feli. It's me.. it's okay." He said softly, holding the other tightly even though he squirmed and hit him and pushed against his hold. 

Feliciano continued his frantic cries and pleas for help for about a minute before looking around, eyes wide and focused now, as they were glazed and confused earlier. He panted softly and looked up at Ludwig as if he didn't know who he was. 

Ludwig offered a soft smile and gently rubbed the other's arm. "It's me, Feli. It's okay. You're okay. You're home." He said, gently brushing the sweat drenched locks of hair out of Feliciano's face.

Panting softly still and sighing after a moment, Feliciano relaxed and let himself melt into the other's embrace. "Lud.." He whispered softly, holding the other close. 

This was Feliciano's only coping skill. As Ludwig cradled him and rocked him, all the terrible thoughts disappeared from his mind. Now, with his lover's arms around him, he could be okay. He could calm down and just breath without stress or worry. Ludwig was the only one in the world that could calm him down in these dark moments. 

When he was very young, his mother passed away and his father took full custody. His father was part of the Italian Mafia in New York City. Feli was pulled from his home in East Hampton New York when he was only eight. 

Living in Brooklyn after years of being in the Hamptons was a huge difference for him. With his tiny stature and strange cow-lick that just wouldn't go away. He had such feminine features that the insults "fag" and "sissyboy" were all too common nicknames he was called every single day. 

Bullying was just not a thing where he was from.. with his stature, he fit in, he was thin and had feminine like curves and face shape. With all the rich and famous people who came out in the summer, he looked exactly like them.. he just didn't wear fancy clothes and didn't act like he was too good to talk to anyone. Of course, with how polite he was and how he dressed, he could easily be picked out as a local. 

All that didn't matter after he moved. Now he stuck out like a sore thumb. A minority aside from all the other italians, which of course weren't in the smartest classes (as Feli was) due to their families being in the mob or having other issues since they lived in a pretty poor area. With his thick Italian accent, he could not fly under the radar. Whenever a teacher called on him, the class would burst out laughing at his soft reply, often stuttering because of nervousness which just made it worse. 

Now, laying limply in Ludwig's arms, he didn't remember that. He didn't remember the scars on his wrists or the years and years of torture, not just by bullies.. when Feli turned ten, his father found it fit for him to begin 'working' with him. 

Since Feli was a sensitive, nervous child, he failed at a mission once, bursting out in tears when a cop went to pat him down at the airport. He was supposed to be transporting drugs, but he was absolutely the most suspicious person there and he could feel it. He was thrown in jail for the night but thankfully, his father was close with very important people and got him out without sentence the next morning. He was so greatful.

After that, his father never put him on a mission again. Feli was a disgrace to him now, an embarrassment. He had no other choice now then to use Feli's body as a way to get money out of the kid, telling Feliciano that he had to earn money if he wanted to stay in his house. 

His father was named Vincent. He was a large, menacing man. Nobody would believe that he was related to Feliciano, besides those gorgeous amber eyes they both shared. Everything else, Feli got from his mother. His sweet nature, feminine ways and features.. he really was beautiful. 

Long story short, after all of that was when Feli started his work. The work he'd be doing until he was sixteen and finally got rescued. Six years did he have to go through that. 

His own father auctioned off his virginity. His own father taught him how to pleasure a man.. using himself, of course. He always believed that "The only way to learn was to do." That, of course caused tons of problems for poor Feli. 

From the time he was ten, he was raped over and over by everyone. His father the most, but every time men would come over to discuss buisness, Feli found himself on his knees the entire night.. or worse if they paid.. this was his life. 

His father ended up growing prideful of him when he started raking in money. The hate fucking eventually stopped and his father treated him like a wife kind of.. Vincent slept with him every night, caressed him and made love to him.. unless he was angry or drunk or high (which was most of the time.) That was another story. Then Feli would be bruised and bleeding by the time he stopped and grabbed a cigarette, Feliciano would just be laying in bed, trembling. 

Of course, the next morning he would wake up to a empty bed with a list of names and times. Those were his clients for the day. Anywhere from ten to thirty a day. He worked throughout the night and well.. any time those perverts were free. 

He woke up to honking outside and had to throw a robe on every morning and run out to the driver that would drive him to the motel where all his work took place. 

Actually, most of his work. Since he only got ten percent of his profit, he didn't really earn much after having to also pay part of all the bills in the house. He worked extra whenever he had free time or not many clients during the day. The stereotypical hooker on the corner was what he did in those days. The lowest of the low. 

That was how Ludwig met him.

Now, as he laid in the other's arms, he felt free. Free of the chains that once held him down. Now he had Ludwig, his lover, his protector. He didn't need anything else. 

Feliciano looked up at Ludwig with big doe eyes, tears stained down his innocent little face. He looked at Ludwig as if he was god. Just pure love and happiness was relevant in his eyes. 

Ludwig hummed softly and chuckled. "Why are you looking at me like that, hm?" He asked, ruffling the other's hair playfully. 

Feliciano giggled and smiled brightly. "Because I love you, silly!" He said happily, no more tears flowing down his cheeks. His eyes were still red and slightly puffy, but he had to be the most adorable thing in the world. 

The German couldn't help but just melt when he looked at the other in one of his own tee shirts, a million times too big for Feli. For some reason though, he loved them and refused to wear anything to sleep besides those and boxers.. or panties.. 

Ludwig had to make sure to refrain himself at all times. Feliciano was the epitome of beauty. The definition of sex appeal. He didn't even know it, but just the simple things he did looked so trained and graceful, bending over to grab something or wiggling his ass when he was on his toes reaching for something.. whenever he wore something tight around the house, or something that fell loosely just perfectly over his hourglass figure. Ludwig constantly had to smack himself, keep himself from thinking too much on it. 

Feli was fragile. He was like a child.. innocent beauty.. knowing his past, Ludwig was sure to keep his touches appropriate and kisses chaste. Of course, Ludwig knew his past, the way he met him was related to that. He didn't want to think of that now, with the small Italian in his arms, all he could do was pepper the other's face in soft kisses. "I love you as well. So much." He grinned.

Feliciano gasped and giggled, cries of glee now escaping him. These were the only cries that Ludwig ever wanted to hear from his lover. 

Grinning widely, Ludwig put his mouth over where Feliciano's neck met his shoulder, blowing out air into his skin, causing a farting noise. 

Feliciano practically screamed at this, laughing so hard his sides ached. He threw a hand over his mouth and tried his best to quiet down so the neighbors didn't end up thinking he was being murdered. He couldn't help but be loud. He was Italian after all. 

After a few moments they were both panting and grinning at each other, a few chuckles spilled from their lips as they calmed down. 

"Do you wanna go back to bed, liebe?" Ludwig asked, humming softly and petting the other's hair. 

Feliciano nodded and pushed the other back onto the bed, snuggling into the other's chest and kissing it gently. He pulled the blankets over them and hummed softly. 

Ludwig yawned and smiled. "Goodnight, baby." He said, finding the other already passing out as he wrapped his arms around Feli's waist and kissed his forehead. Finally, he closed his eyes, planning out what he could do the next morning to make him happy.


	2. Sweet Kisses and Panic Attacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next moning, Ludwig decides to spoil Feliciano, feeling so terrible that he suffered once again the night before.

The next morning, well, later that morning, Ludwig woke up before Feli, as usual. He gently brushed some hair out of the Italian's peaceful, dreaming face. He saw how he smiled and slightly leaned into the touch, as if it just came natural, even while he slept. 

Ludwig grinned and hummed, picking up his phone with his free hand, stroking the other's hair still as he checked the time. 10:30 AM. That was late for Ludwig. 

Feliciano generally woke up around noon, finding that Ludwig had wiggled out of his hold and put a pillow in his place. At around eight or nine, Ludwig woke up. He went for a run, ate breakfast, showered and was drinking his coffee and doing paper work in the living room by the time Feliciano found him. He was a professional at multitasking. With Feli, he had to be. 

Usually Feliciano would wake up and just hobble down the stairs, plopping himself on Ludwig's lap. They'd end up watching cartoons or something and cuddling for a while. Feli wouldn't eat lunch until around two in the afternoon with Ludwig and dinner around seven. 

Feliciano loved his naps as well, finding himself sprawled out on top of Ludwig, half naked since he really didn't understand exactly how sexy he was. 

Once again, Ludwig would have to hold back, keeping his hands placed gently on the other's waist and trying his best not to slip them further down.

It was so hard to resist his urges. He found himself guiltily pleasuring himself in the shower. He thought of Feliciano in the dirtiest of ways. He always felt so bad after that, but he couldn't help it. Deprivation from sex could drive a man crazy. Especially when the most beautiful creature in the world was padding around the house in little clothes and sitting on Ludwig's lap and.. fuck, he couldn't help but want him so badly.

This morning was going to be different, however. Ludwig made sure to let the other sleep as long as he wanted. Some mornings, he had the other up by around eleven, to make sure he didn't sleep the entire day away. But today.. Feliciano deserved as much peaceful sleep as he could get.

The dreams were happening less and less now, maybe about once or twice a month. That was a huge improvement from how it used to be. Once or twice a night. After that night that Ludwig found him, he woke up every morning, terrified. He saw it was light out and saw a body in bed next to him, in a place that wasn't his home. He was scared that maybe after his last client he had fallen asleep and he would be in so much trouble if he wasn't in bed with his father every night. The second fear that came to him was that while he slept, his father just sold him. He had been drugged before and woken up in a strange place.. he wouldn't doubt that it happened again. 

It took him so long to be able to trust Ludwig. But when he did, he felt so much better. 

Ludwig laid there for a half hour, he would have waited longer, but that was when Feliciano woke up. Early for him, Ludwig smiled at him and ran fingers through the other's soft brown locks. "Good morning, liebe." He said sweetly. 

Feliciano smiled and didn't even open his eyes, just cuddled into Ludwig's neck and purred. "Good morning, amore." He sang happily. 

"Did you sleep well?" Ludwig asked curiosly. 

"Yes, baby. After you saved me, I slept very well." He hummed happily. "My knight in shining armor..." Feliciano sighed, happy to be here, but still sad that he indeed was not okay. Not yet. 

He was healing.. but that was hard to focus on when the dreams, no, nightmares were still happening.. when he still had flashbacks, when he still froze up and had panic attacks when they were in public and he saw someone that looked familiar or that looked at him in a certain way. Feliciano had had many clients. It was hard not to find someone that looked similar to one everywhere he went. He still had to look at the scars on his body.. self inflicted or not, it pained him, remind him of his terrible past. 

Ludwig saw how the other's breathing changed and quickly snapped him out of it by gently pressing kisses over the other's face. "Are you hungry, baby?" He asked softly. "I can make pancakes?" He offered. 

Feliciano's face lit up slightly and he nodded eagerly. "With chocolate chips and strawberries?" He bit his lip.

"Of course, liebe. I know that's your favorite. With whipped cream and maple syrup." He sat up, the other in his lap now as he pat his back. "Now let's go." 

Feliciano liked to wear boyshort panties under Ludwig's shirts. It was his favorite. He of course, thought that boyshorts were indeed for boys and were shorts rather than underwear. 

Ludwig was fine with that, especially since he knew that Feliciano wouldn't wear it out of the house. He had seen Feliciano at his worst. Seeing him prancing around in short shorts just made him happy because he knew the other was comfortable.

There was a time when Feliciano wasn't.

Feliciano used to flinch every time he heard Ludwig's deep, rumbling voice. He used to cry at every touch of the other when he was rewrapping his injuries and cleaning him up. Feli was so weak, he had to be helped with everything. 

It was hard for Ludwig to distinguish if Feli was crying from pain for fear... like a parent, eventually he learned the other's cries.. he knew when he was scared, hurt, angry, had a nightmare or flashback.. or when he was hungry or needed the bathroom and was too shy to say anything.

That was a huge issue in the house for a while. Ludwig always had to ask Feli a million times if he needed to use the bathroom, wanted to shower, wanted to eat. 

Even so, sometimes Feli would refuse. He would feel like too much of a burden on the other to eat his food or waste his water, get his filth on anything the other owned. Sometimes he'd just stand in the middle of the room, trying not to touch anything. He was just too dirty. No matter how many times he showered. He didn't want to be away from the other's protection for long enough to shower or even use the toilet, either. He also didn't want Ludwig to be in the bathroom or outside it.. it was just as if he couldn't win. 

Now, Feliciano was so much better. It was as if he went back in time. 

The small Italian was so innocent now. Everything before made him nervous about something sexual. Whether is was what he ate or anything.. he constantly was worried about keeping his body ready for sex.

He got so anxious over everything. Now.. it was like he didn't even know what sex was. 

The walking definition of innocence.. that's all Ludwig could see Feliciano as. He smacked himself whenever he thought of the smaller in any other way. 

Feliciano quickly scrambled out of the other's lap and padded down the hall like a child on Christmas morning. The large shirt he was wearing, which originally belonged to the German, was flowing just above the middle of Feliciano's thighs as he ran. He giggled and smiled, not even realizing that with every step he was giving Ludwig a glance at the baby blue boyshort panties he had put on the night before.

Ludwig just shook his head and smiled, chuckling some at the other. He pulled on a fresh t-shirt and some pyjama pants before following the other down the stairs and into the kitchen. He caught Feli at the entrance and picked him up. Feliciano squirmed and laughed as Ludwig carried him to the counter and sat him down in a chair. "Sit, little one." He said softly, beginning to pull it the ingredients he needed to cook.

Feli helped a little with mixing, tasting, stealing a few strawberries and spraying whipped cream in his mouth. He sang a few songs as Ludwig cooked. 

After everything was done, Feliciano had eaten a stack of pancakes with chocolate chips, strawberries and maple syrup. Ludwig had prepared himself a small omelette with peppers, onions, cheese and tomatoes. They sat down, eating happily and conversing some. 

Ludwig ate quickly, as soldiers often did, while Feli took his time to enjoy every bite. It was just a habit of Ludwig's, after being in the army for so long. He was reminded every time they were out to eat in public by Feliciano to be slow and polite, which took a lot of concentration for him. He had gotten much better though since when they frst met. 

After they were finished, Ludwig cleaned up the most while Feliciano's job was just to wipe down the counters and dry the dishes that the German washed. 

Finishing up with that, it was around 12:00 PM and all Feliciano wanted to do was be lazy. 

They decided to just sit on the couch, cuddle and watch some tv or a movie if they could find one. 

After picking out a movie and getting all snuggled up next to each other under a blanket, Ludwig pressed play and the previews began.

It was some mushy romance movie that Feli had wanted to see for a while, so Ludwig figured he'd spend the few dollars to order it. 

As it started, Feliciano seemed very happy and was paying total attention. 

A while passed and they both began to grow quite restless and a bit bored. Feliciano started squirming and whining, pushing himself farther into the German's side. He very much enjoyed the other's arm around his shoulders. 

Ludwig hummed softly and gently rubbed along the other's ribs, able to tell he was bored. The movie was really quite bland after all.. so Ludwig pulled the Italian into his lap and gasped. "Oh no.." He said softly. "Did you hear that, Feli?" He asked playfully.

Feliciano bit his lip and giggled some, knowing Ludwig was just being silly. "Hear what?" He asked, not mockingly, but obviously not serious. 

"I think.. it's... the tickle monster!" He cried happily, his fingers dancing over the other's sides and stomach, sending him into a howling, laughing fit. Ludwig grinned, loving to see the other happy. He continued until Feliciano was tearing up from how much he was laughing. 

Then.. they looked into each other's eyes, the smaller panting and blushing darkly. He looked oh, so adorable and well.. sexy. Ludwig couldn't help himself as he pulled the other close and kissed his cheek gently, letting his head rest against Feliciano's shoulder. "Gott, I love you Feli.." He murmured. "You're so, so beautiful." He smiled. 

Feliciano gently kissed at the other's neck experimentally. He had never done that before.. many men did that to him in the past so he had never tried it yet.. but.. with Ludwig it felt so innocent. 

Ludwig shivered at the kisses and held the other tighter. Was Feli trying to start something? Was he ready for that? Ludwig had been waiting so patiently, hoping maybe one day Feli would initiate something.. was that day today? He leaned into the kisses, breath hot and heavy on Feliciano's neck. 

It felt warm and comforting with Ludwig.. His breath made Feliciano's heart soar, unlike the other men who had breathed on him like that. He kept up the kissing and pulled himself as tightly against Ludwig as he could. 

Ludwig slowly slipped his hands down to the lower part of the other's back, just above his butt. As he felt Feliciano respond to the touch by leaning into the other's hands, he slipped them lower, unable to contain his urges anymore.. he groped at Feliciano's butt and started kissing and sucking at the smaller's neck, leaving small marks. 

Ludwig didn't realize at first that the Italian froze.. he wasn't moving and his breathing became labored.. he started shaking. Shit, shit, shit, what had Ludwig done? He was so careful in the past and now? How could have have let it slip so easily.. well.. neck kisses were his weakness.. 

Ludwig pulled away and saw silent tears slipping down the other's face, looking up at Ludwig as if he was a monster. Just like the night he found Feli.

"No..."

**Author's Note:**

> After 8 kudos, I decided that I am definitely going to write and post another chapter.  
> A lot is going on in my life right now so I deeply apologize, but I think it's going to take a while..


End file.
